| Comments by Claudio-Miguel on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 at 00:00 |
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Back in the late 1950’s, I entered a Cistercian Monastery and was accepted into the Novitiate. I left shortly thereafter during a moment of weakness. Realizing my big mistake, I petitioned the Superior to let me return. He told me that he thought it would be better for me to go to another house of the Order. My Father developed some serious health issues, and I did not enter the Abbey that was referred to me. Many years later, I found out that the real reason I was not permitted to return to the Monastery I had originally entered, was because the Sub-Prior had intervened with the Superior and insisted that I not be allowed to return. When I heard this, many years later, I was terribly upset, and it still bothers me today!! The Sub-Prior had an inordinate attachment towards me, and resented what he thought was my aloofness toward him when I was admitted to the Novitiate. At that time I was so eager to become a good Novice that I didn’t allow myself to become close with any of the Community except my Confessor and the Superior.
I still hold a lot of anger in my heart against the Sub-Prior, for I believe that had he not influenced the Superior, I might still be at that Monastery (now an Abbey).......a Senior Professed Monk in my mid-70’s!! And now my question: Would it serve any purpose of contacting this Priest (he is still alive and at the Abbey) and letting him know exactly how angry I still am with him. I feel he really ruined my vocation to become a Cistercian.
And the last question, do any Cistercian Abbeys still accept OBLATES. I just turned 74 but I do not think a day has gone by that I have not thought about that short life I had as a Novice so long ago.
Thank you very much for letting me get this off of my chest.
May this movement of grace in your heart, this desire to let go of the anger and the distress you have felt for so long be fulfilled. Contacting the priest would serve a good purpose if it will help you lift the burden from your heart. As an aged monk, well acquainted with his own weaknesses and failings, accustomed to seeking forgiveness in the heart of Jesus, your anger will probably do this priest no harm and may give him the opportunity to ask for your forgiveness. But be gentle and loving so that you do not break the vessel, for we are all fragile.
He must have been rather young himself in the late 1950’s, and may have been so troubled by his own inordinate attachment that he feared what he might do, at least in his heart, if you returned. In light of all the harm that has been done by priests, small in number but large in the scandal they have given, we can be thankful you did not suffer that kind of abuse whether he was moved by resentment to prevent your return or by fear of temptation.
You have written well about your mistake in leaving the Abbey and about the Providence which kept you from returning so that you could care for your ailing father. That was an act of ongoing filial love, very pleasing to God. You were not living the life of a monk, but you were living the life of a good Christian faithful to the commandment of honoring one’s parents.
Injustices abound all over the world. Hardly anyone avoids it. Our Lord suffered it in his Passion and Death. In the fourth degree of humility, St. Benedict urges us to hold fast to patience with a silent mind when we meet with difficulties and contradictions and even any kind of injustice, enduring all without growing weary. He writes, “Then, secure in their hope of a divine recompense, they go on with joy to declare, ‘But in all these trials we conquer, through him who has granted us his love.’” If you have missed living the life of a monk, you have not missed the love of Christ who can make all things work for good.
Our Cistercian Abbey’s still accept oblates who have the necessary health, freedom and age to live this way of life.
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